Dialog Malfunction

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008

Hey y’all. So Evan asked me to guest blog on his site while he’s building bridges and fighting off wild boars in Guatemala. I’ve never actually blogged before, nor have I ever journaled or diaried (uh, I sure hope “diaried” isn’t a word…nope, it’s not). As a continuation of Evan’s previous post, I was going to talk about another ridiculous game we used to play when we were younger called “Chapters” — which is actually ten times dumber than Football With Socks and Fall Down the Stairs. I’ll save that for another time. Instead, it being Oscar season and all, how about a movie topic?

I happened to be watching Major League the other day, which is one of those movies they show on regular cable about 10 times a week and that, for some reason, I always end up watching whenever it’s on. Of course, it being regular cable, the movie was edited for television. Now, some edited-for-tv movies aren’t too bad. They may have a deleted scene here and there or an overdubbed piece of dialog on occasion. With Major League, though, it’s like they weren’t even trying. Pretty much every great line in the movie was butchered, including “Up your butt, JoBu” (replaced with “Up your bucket…”) and, of course, the Doran/Ricky Vaughn exchange at the end when Doran says, “I only have one thing to say to you. Strike this mother___ out!” (replaced with “Strike this [dead air] guy out.”). I couldn’t find a clip of the edited version, but you can watch the original here (skip to the 2:00 mark). I would almost rather watch this version instead.

I certainly understand the need to edit movies for tv, but it raises the question: Is there a worse edited-for-tv movie than Major League? And when I say “worse,” I mean more frustrating to watch due to bad (hilarious?) overdubbing and missing scenes. A few others come to mind, like Die Hard (“Yippee-kye-ay Mister Falcon”) and Ferris Bueller (“Pardon my French, but you’re an Aardvark!”), and there are some movies, like Robocop, that have no business being on regular tv. But I submit that Major League is the most consistently annoying of them all. That said, I’m prepared to be convinced otherwise…


Hello substitute Evan,
Sometimes editing is better than the directors who consciously film two versions, one for the theatrical release, and one for the television release. One such movie is Ghostbusters, where Ivan Reitman filmed an alternate version where they redo ‘dickless’ to ‘brainless’ which is just lame. I’d rather it be ‘BEEP-less’ at that point.

I saw an altered version of Blazing Saddles where all of the uh…”sound effects” were completely removed from the bean scene. No joke.

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