How To Grow A Beard in 3 Easy Steps

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Step 1
Get really busy a couple weeks before you are about to go out of town and don’t bother shaving. Then go out of town to some place warm and sunny. Don’t bother shaving there either.

Step 2
Upon your return, get worried that if you shave you will have a weird beard-face-tan. Realize that you can live with a ridiculous farmer’s tan, but not a beard-face-tan. Decide not to shave until aforementioned tan goes away.

Step 3
After a week or so has passed and you’ve returned to your natural, pasty, Chicago-winter complexion, realize that you don’t know how to get rid of a beard that has gotten too out of hand to shave with a razor. Trim it occasionally with giant craft-scissors like an idiot as it grows even more unwieldy.

I also need a haircut.

From Innis:

By the way, what happened to David Letterman?  Has he completely lost his sense of humor?  He used to crack me up!

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