Some Third Party Candidates To Consider

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

I’ve never really been all that into politics. The candidates never seem to talk about anything that really interests me. Maybe I’m not paying attention. Luckily, the Internet has made it possible for some less mainstream candidates to get their message out.

Cobra Commander ’08
While I tend to vote along party lines with G.I. Joe, it hasn’t always been clear cut. Let’s face it, Storm Shadow was awesome and Bazooka was kind of annoying. Cobra Commander has some interesting new ideas, including a 2-trillion dollar weather dominator and his “elderly into food” program. He also has much-needed experience running a complex paramilitary organization without submitting to the demands of special interests. He doesn’t submit to any demands!

Cobra Commander also has amazing support from the celebrity crowd, which might motivate young voters and surprise some pundits in November. It will be interesting to see who joins Cobra Commander as his running mate. Destro would be an obvious choice and could definitely enfranchise the chrome vote, but The Baroness would bring a strong female figure to the ticket as well as much needed experience with foreign intelligence.

Zod 2008
I’ll be honest, I think Zod has an uphill climb to the White House in 2008. It will be hard for him to differentiate himself from Cobra Commander, policy-wise, and he has a weird-looking beard. Still, he has a message that resonates with everyone who thinks Superman is kind of annoying because he has no weaknesses. (Kryptonite? Please. What a crutch!) He also has some experience running the country from Superman II, although he did entrust Lex Luthor with most of the day-to-day operations.

Roslin/Airlock ’08
It’s unclear if this is an official ticket or just an Al Gore-esque grass-roots recruitment campaign staged by loyal fans. Either way, it’s hard to dispute Laura Roslin’s three years of wartime experience. It’s also hard to dispute Airlock’s strict interpretation of justice — impartially evacuating Cylons into the cold expanse of space.

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