Evan Jacover (dot com!) » Gardening

A Red Thumb

Evan — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:25:42 +0000

While Shama’s mom was showing me the vegetables she’s been growing, I saw one plant with tiny little peppers on it.

Me: What kind of peppers are these?
Shama’s Mom: They’re from Pizza Hut
Me: Pizza Hut?
Shama’s Mom: The packet of red peppers they give you with the pizza. I planted them.
Me: Wow!
Shama’s Mom: I’m good at growing things.

I can’t believe I didn’t take a picture of them, but I swear they were real: little Pizza Hut peppers. I do believe she could have planted a slice of pizza and grown a pizza tree. Lady’s got skills.

I Couldn’t Help But Notice That Strange and Interesting Plant

Evan — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 15:41:21 +0000

Okay, garden. We both know I have no idea what I’m doing when I start digging holes and cramming plants in there, but now you’re being ridiculous.

Does anyone know what the hell this thing is?

No one in my building planted it and it keeps getting bigger and, frankly, we’re all getting a little worried. Is it just a weed? Do weeds do… that?

Update: It’s been identified! My neighbor Carrie added this at the bottom of an e-mail: “In other news – our alien life form in the backyard has been identified. Apparently it wards off witches and cures ear aches so it may come in handy.”

It’s called The Great Mullein.

The Great Escape

Evan — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:07:50 +0000

My dad has spent years working on a pond in his backyard. It’s actually quite lovely. There’s a garden train and waterfalls and all kinds of flowers. He’s had some trouble with the fish, though.

Every year it seems like something else goes wrong. Once the pond had a leak. Once the heater he got to keep the water from freezing during the winter broke. Last summer there was a big rain storm while my parents were out of town. The pond overflowed and the fish “escaped” into the garden.

The kids who live next-door took a photo of the fish on their Sunday stroll before catching them. If you look closely, you can see that the fish are swimming over model train tracks.

This winter, my dad decided to let the fish fend for themselves.

Dad: I’ve tried everything to keep them alive and they always die.

The pond was frozen solid for most of the winter, but somehow the fish (or perhaps their progeny?) survived. Weird.

Act IV: Daisies

Evan — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:50:09 +0000

I consider my gardening exploits a success if the result isn’t a crumbled brown husk. I have a grand total of three plants that have lasted longer than a year. Needless to say, I’m not in charge of our building’s garden. My neighbor, Carrie, takes care of that. This summer, as I’ve watched our front garden bloom and transform from month to month, I’ve decided that she’s a genius.

In the spring our tree blossoms and tulips appear. Then in July there’s lily-fest. Now, at the end of the summer, I noticed these little blue guys popping up:

A competent gardener will plant flowers and keep them alive for a few months. Carrie directs a summer-long floral production.

Who Wants Homegrown Bush Pickles?

Evan — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:21:31 +0000

I had about 3 hours to kill before a 1 AM show at the Horseshoe so Shama and I walked over to the CVS and saw they were selling vegetable plants. Nothing says organic goodness like buying plants in the parking lot of a CVS. But after my bumper crop of asparagus was such a success, it seemed like an expansion of the vegetable garden was in order.

Here’s something I didn’t know: when you buy plants, you don’t just get tomatoes or peppers. They all have names! I picked out a fine looking fellow named “Bradley” as well as another tomato known only as “Beefmaster.” He seems like trouble. I also got something called a “Bush Pickle,” which I hope is a cucumber.

I’ve Been Waiting Two Years For This

Evan — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:53:26 +0000

Longtime readers of this site (Hi, Mom) will recall my asparagus adventures from last summer. You see, I planted asparagus two years ago with high hopes for a bumper crop. After waiting impatiently an entire summer, all I had to show for my 5 minutes of hard work was a pile of dirt. I figured the asparagus, like everything else I’ve ever planted, died a lonely, humiliating death. But then last summer, a lone asparagus shoot surprisingly appeared in May. Even more surprisingly, it then flowered into plant weirdness before I got my act together to eat it.

Well, guess who’s back! This time, however, I didn’t give it a chance to bloom. I cut out that single asparaguh, grilled it up and ate it. It was the best asparagus I’ve ever had. For reals.

Asparag-wah?

Evan — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 17:28:22 +0000

Remember that asparagus that started growing in my back yard a year after I planted it? Well now it looks like this:

What am I supposed to do with that thing?

The Key To Gardening: A Year of Neglect

Evan — Tue, 15 May 2007 14:52:41 +0000

Last spring a friend of mine realized he had ordered too many asparagus seeds or roots or pods or whatever asparagus thingers are called.

I took the extras, threw them in a hole and waited all summer for a slender green stinker to pull itself through the dirt. Nothing. Granted, I didn’t water or fertilize or, um, hoe? I did nothing, and I figured my lack of effort earned me an appropriate lack of asparagus.

But this weekend I was in my backyard and looky what I saw:

Take that, earth!