Unable to pry them loose, I ended up painting my brother and his girlfriend otters for hanukah.  Here they are:

Looking at them together, the colors are a little early nineties.  I almost expect Fido Dido to make an appearance.  Ah well.  Here’s Emmet:

Hole in the Washtub

There is a long list of things I don’t understand about Christmas.  (What’s Myrrh?)  Add to that list the creepy robots currently residing in the Marshall Fields windows.  Goo!

My parents have semi-retired to North Carolina.  At first they started going there on vacation; then they bought some land; then they built a cabin; now they’re there a lot.  

Our whole extended family was there for Thanksgiving this year.  On Thursday morning, anticipating overeating, I went jogging in the hills around the cabin.  

I learned that running in the mountains of North Carolina is much more tiring than running in Chicago.  I also learned that it’s kind of scary when you’re running and you encounter a herd of cows.  Those mofos are huge.  I also learned that when you run through said herd, you are very likely to step in a large pile of their leavings.

That was the only morning I went running in North Carolina.

I was going to rehash an old Willy Wonka costume I still had sitting around, but while looking for something to use as a cane, I found an old friend.  

When I first moved into the dorms in college, my roommate and I found a stuffed Shamu whale in one of the drawers.  He moved around with us all four years of college and I eventually took him back to Chicago with me.  

All it took was a small incision, a broomstick, and a makeshift harness to re-enact a classic scene from movie history:

All-in-all, one of my more successful costumes.  

I’m an idiot.

Last night was the second Seder, a long, fun, loud, ridiculous meal during which Jews retell the story of their Exodus from Egypt. The story is told by reading from a book called the Hagaddah. Often, the group goes around the table with each person reading a passage so everyone gets to participate.  Reading aloud can get a little tricky when Hebrew, Aramaic and English words are all sprinkled together… not to mention some difficult-to-pronounce names.  (Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah?)  It’s not uncommon for people to stumble over some of the words.

One passage discussed the peculiar absence of Moses from the Hagaddah:

Some suggest that Moses is intentionally marginalized in order to avoid any deification and to suggest that ultimately it is God who brought us out of Egypt, not Moses or any other human being.

Me: I’m glad I didn’t get that passage.
Aric: Yeah, there’s a very important “i” in “deification.”
Me: I definitely would have read that wrong.

Every Hanukkah someone usually gets someone else a board game.  Then, after lighting candles and stuffing our faces, we usually end up playing it. This year my dad got Kelly a game called “Quelf.” I can’t tell if it’s the best game ever or the worst.  I’m not even sure if it’s actually a game.

The rules are simple: roll dice, land on a colored square, draw a card with that color on it and do what the card says.

The problem is, there’s not really a point to the cards.  One card told me to build a snorkel out of household items before my next turn and wear it for the rest of the game.  Ummmmmm.  Okay.  Kelly had to sing “Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes” in a made-up language.  Whenever someone landed on a red square we were all required to shout, “Quelf in the name of the farm!”  Often after someone finished “playing” a card we’d all shrug and say, “Well, I guess you did it” as the dice were passed to the next person.

When game ended and we were all pretty glad… and a little sad.

And now, a picture of me, my homemade snorkel and a puppy:

As a result, I’ve actually changed my behavior. I hate those dotted red underlines so much that I now spell Hanukkah with two k’s. Happy 8th night of Hanukkah everyone! Take it away, LeeVees:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7JiDBi_v4c

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I sure like it a lot. I loved those lights and I love Christmas carols and I love It’s A Wonderful Life.

If I did celebrate Christmas, I’d definitely invest in some new LED Christmas lights. If you’re a Chicagoan, you can buy them at a discount from ComEd’s online store. Christmas lights are an ideal candidate for LEDs. Here are five reasons that have nothing to do with “saving the earth.”

1. LEDs are naturally colorful. It’s only recently that a good white LED was created.
2. Christmas lights are left on all the time. LEDs consume about 1/8th as much electricity as incandescents.
3. Christmas lights don’t actually need to illuminate a room. LEDs aren’t actually that bright.
4. They run a lot cooler than normal lights in case you’re putting them next to something flammable like, say, a tree.
5. These days, they’re basically the same price as standard incandescent Christmas lights.

So there you go.

I don’t think she really knew what was going on, but she had a big smile on her face as she poked the buttons randomly with her cane. I think she did better than my dad.

This thanksgiving, Guitar Hero was the game of choice.  All three of my living grandparents were there.  They weren’t big fans of the music, complaining that it was too noisy and they couldn’t understand the words.  They complained, that is, until Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” came on.  For some reason they all liked that song.

GRANDMA JANET: This one’s pretty.
GRANDMA BEVERLY: Cheer for cherry pie, Jerold!