Archive for the 'Weddings' Category

What’s a Mule?

Tuesday, October 9th, 2012

Three times I’ve tried to buy my wife shoes and three times I have failed. The first time we were going to a wedding and she mentioned that she wished she had some red shoes to wear to it. “Okay,” I thought. “How hard can this be?” I offered to go over to the softer side of Sears to pick up some red shoes while she was getting ready. Shama was skeptical. When I got to the store, there were only two pairs of red shoes to choose from. I chose… poorly.

Now, I must emphasize that Shama is not a very picky person. In fact, I’m pretty sure I had a fairly large margin of error to work with. The shoes I picked fell well outside that margin of error.

The next two times I tried to get shoes for Shama I ordered them from Zappos. Famed for its customer service and “no-questions-asked” return policy, I figured I couldn’t go wrong. Well, I can personally vouch for their return policy! Now, when I look at my order history on Zappos, I see two orders and two returns. The second time they asked if there was anything they could have done to prevent this return. I wrote, “help me understand my wife’s tastes in shoes.” I haven’t heard back.

UPDATE: I was wrong! I’m not 0 for 3, I’m 1 for 4!  I forgot that I got Shama some Wellington boots when she left for Ireland and she didn’t return them! Self-high-five!

Hora Lessons

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

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Shama and I went to visit my grandparents at their new place last week.  Most nights they have some sort of event, and this night was no exception:  It was the coronation ceremony for the king and queen.  I’m not sure what criteria is involved in selecting a king and queen, but they were both over 100 years old.  We met the king, but never saw the queen.

Shama: Where’s the Queen?
Gram: She went to bed.

They also had dancing and a 3-piece jazz band.  The band didn’t know “There’s A Rainbow ‘Round My Shoulder” but they did play Hava Nagila at one point so people could dance the hora.

Now, when most people do the hora they rock the concentric circles and maybe some of those arm spins, but my grandma always wants to do this dance where people go through people’s arms and then get tangled up and put arms on shoulders and form lines and, well, it’s very complicated.  No one ever gets it right to her satisfaction — including those of us at Lincolnwood Place last week.  At one point, years ago, after failing to teach it to several of her grandchildren, she muttered, “that’s why none of you are married!”

Well, guess what, Gram, I know how to do it now.  Next hora, you’re gonna see some skills.

Tiptoe Down The Aisle

Saturday, July 12th, 2008

Ah, weddings. Sometimes they’re a chore and sometimes they’re so ridiculously fun that you don’t want them to end. Last weekend was the latter. Apparently my camera was having a good time too as it decided to throw in some peculiar (but festive) blurring and coloring.

I played guitar and ukulele during the ceremony. I’ve played at weddings before and it makes me nervous — I worry I’m going to ruin the whole wedding and, subsequently, the couple’s lives. My brother Aric, who has played piano at his share of weddings, put things in perspective: “Don’t worry, no one is listening to you.”

The bride, Renee, was also a little jittery before the ceremony.

Renee: I’m nervous.
Me: Why? You picked a great guy!
Renee: Pfft. I’m not nervous about Nick. I know I got the right guy. It’s everyone else.

She was worried about the ceremony and the weather and making sure everyone had a good time. Thankfully, the ceremony and the weather and (if I say so myself) the ukulele all went off without a hitch. Congrats, Nick and Renee!

Math is Hard

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

Ali was asked to sing at her friend’s wedding and she asked me if I’d play guitar with her. Originally I was supposed to harmonize with her as well, but a quick skills assessment confirmed my suspicions that I suck at harmonizing. So Kelly was brought in to do the harmonies, forming the most powerful Indigo Girls-singing-wedding-trio ever! Except for the Police. I think they’ve done Indigo Girls songs at a wedding.

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The thing about weddings in Grant Park is your audience isn’t just the wedding party. All the folks milling about Buckingham Fountain decided to stop and watch as well.

After the ceremony, the groom shook our hands and said we did a great job.

GROOM: I hate the Indigo Girls, but that song was perfect!

The song was called “Power of Two.” It’s a nice enough song, but I do have a problem with it. The titular line is: “Adding up the total of a love that’s true / Multiply life by the power of two.” Now, I’m all for the love/math metaphor. Lord knows I use it myself, but you can’t multiply anything by the power of two. You can raise life to the power of two or multiply life by two, but you can’t multiply life by the power of two.
That line ruined the whole wedding for me.

UPDATE: I’m aware that in my math song, the line “You’re as complex as the square root of negative one” isn’t quite accurate. Complex numbers must have real and imaginary parts, so the square root of negative one is actually just an imaginary number. Hee haw.